Friday, August 24, 2012

The Great Indian Wedding

Thanks to Sony, I got a reason for blogging. See more about Sony's LoveYaArranged on facebook here :

The great Indian wedding saga begins when you reach the so called 'marriageable age'. The marriageable age varies from community to community - there are Indian women who get married at as early as 16 years, and as late as 40 years. And yes, in India, you are expected to spend a lifetime with the guy who has been chosen for you by your parents and relatives. While choosing the prospective bridegroom, the questions the parents ask are : "How rich is the bridegroom? How much is his annual income? Is he white (read fair)? Does he drink (read consume alcohol)? and hundreds of other questions that involves his social status, family background and beauty, but unfortunately none about his personality or tastes. On an average, it takes only around 2 months for a wedding to happen after choosing the bridegroom, and the prospective couples are not allowed to interact much with each other during that period. Yes, you are getting married to a stranger chosen by your parents. And you are going to spend the rest of your life with this guy.

You might think that an Indian arranged marriage might most surely lead to a divorce because one is getting married to an absolute stranger, but that is not the case. Women, fearing the consequences of being a divorcee, often suffer the marital discords silently. If you are a woman and your parents have not gifted you enough of money and goods (called dowry) at the time of wedding, you'll probably be beaten up or burnt to death by your husband and his relatives.

The solution to this problem could be a love marriage where you choose the guy you want to marry, fall in love with each other, and live the rest of the life with him. Indian societies are well-known for its hatred to love marriage. If you had a love marriage, you'll probably be ousted from the family and shunned by the society. If you come from a conservative family, you and your husband would probably be killed by your own brothers or other male blood relations for causing 'shame' to the family by marrying on own choice.

Dear Indian women, be sure that you do not get killed in the process of getting married or after it.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

A day from the life of a typical Wikipedian

Warning : Highly autobiographical. Elements of fiction added at places to exaggerate poetic effect. 

1. Gets up late (You are not expected to wake up early if you sleep at 3 am)

2. Rubs her eyes and plants the spectacles on the nose. (The glasses are always in peril of falling down)

3. Hits the power button of the laptop.

4. Closes all update messages and virus alerts, and runs Firefox. (There can’t be a Wikipedian whose default browser isn’t Firefox)

5. Opens her Gmail account. (This is a kind of reflex response. You do it without applying your conscious mind. You will do it mechanically even if you are hypnotized)

6. Deletes all Facebook and Orkut mails without reading them.

7. Reads official mails and gets disappointed that the deadline for the submission of a project (at office/college) is preponed. Curses the boss/prof with the F-word for the umpteenth time.

8. Meanwhile, hits the Wikipedia main page listed under ‘bookmarks’.

9. Clicks on the ‘Recent Changes’ and spots an edit made by a someone called 117.314.56.223. Rolls back the change without even bothering to read the crap.

10. Puts the laptop to sleep and gets up to brush (Brushing teeth is one of the
hateful duties of a civilized man/woman), remembers that there is no Wikipedia article titled ‘brush’ and wonders how many disambiguations the word might have.

11. Finally, decides to start an article which goes hence – Brush (tooth) is an implement consisting of [[bristles]] set into a handle used for cleaning [[tooth|teeth]] by gentle up and down motion(The definition could put even Webster to shame).

12. Sits in front of the laptop (her mouth still full of toothpaste bubbles, and brush in hand) and hits ‘toothbrush’ on google search bar to find references for the article.

13. Screams at mom/sis who happened to wear a RED chudidar and asks her to wear a BLUE one. Now, the frothy toothpaste has made its way to the lungs.

14. Hastily finishes the breakfast and hammers stuff into the lap vigorously like a robot.

15. Pretends to listen to sis’s chatter without taking off the eyes from the screen and grunts occasionally. Continues to grunt at regular intervals even after she has left.

16. Three guys pop out of gtalk.
Guy 1 : hey wazzup?hw r u?long since. whats for breakfast? Gotta go.bye.
Guy 2 : hi, i deleted the recycle bin. Help!
Guy 3 : hi, u don’t care abt me, bt I cant stop thinkin’ abt u. plz,plz,plz, gimme ur cell no.i’m upset, im lonely, im terrible.i wanna talk 2 u or I will die. (Aha!)

17. Tells the next door neighbor over gtalk that her roses need pruning. Looks out through the window(not xp, not vista but the original window) and discovers that it is evening.

18. Slaps oneself on the head and eats whatever is left in the kitchen. Takes a spoonful of jam, slams the spoon onto the plate and learns that it was pickle and not jam she wanted.

19. Spends the evening in the garden and photographs every identifiable object hoping that one of them could be the ‘Selected picture of the day’. Grumbles random words like silhouette, bokeh, red-eye etc.

20. Roots herself in front of the laptop again and argues with another guy on the talk page that mangoes can be bought from malls in Antarctica.

21. Adds into her userpage the firsthand account of the glorious deeds she has done that Sunday.

22. A sarcastic grin appears on the face after she discovers that he/she has surpassed some random guy in terms of the number of wiki edits.

23. Realizes that a seminar is to be presented the next day at college/office and starts working on powerpoint.

24. Finishes the work by 2 am and sleeps in front of the laptop.

25. In her dreams, she has been voted in as a bureaucrat.

Life is boring because...

 This post was first published on Google buzz.

Life is boring because of the following 10 reasons.
• No knights, who save princesses (read Netha!) in distress, are around.
• None of my friends are fighting. I am deprived of fun.
• No new ideas regarding the cure for cancer ( the ones I had were labeled bullshit by the subject expert once)
• No one is vandalizing Wikipedia ( I look forward to the day I could revert some serious vandalism on an important page, and save Wikipedia from a terrific disaster)
• No rich patients, who leave a fortune to medicos who hold his hand during his last minutes (and later die), are admitted to my hospital.
• No hard problems in my sis’s math text book which I am unable to solve.
• No fire in my neighborhood, where I can save innocent kids from death by practicing the first aid principles taught in class.
• No ambiguity regarding the election results in my ward.
• No publishers getting interested in my blog posts and sending me cheques requesting to author a book for them.
• Adding this point just because I promised you in the beginning that I will give you 10 reasons. :)

Life is not beautiful. At least for now.
(If you want to send me surprise gifts to make my boring life interesting, you are welcome!)

Sharing a link here. This link is intended to make this buzz post less boring.

Medicos, this way please!

If you are an M.B.B.S student, you might find this checklist helpful.

Things to be brought to the surgery clinics by a II MBBS student (in order of priority) :
1. ID card
2. Stethoscope
3. Lab coat. Pure white. Any other shade of white will lead to your losing of attendance.
4. Knee hammer
5. Illuminoscope (I'm yet to learn its use)
6. Torch
7. OT (operation theater) dress. Green. Without a speck of dirt on it.
8. OT chappal
9. Measuring tape
10. Clinical Surgery Manual
11. Case record book. Bound.
12. Mask, cap etc
13. Notebook, pen and other writing materials
14. Soap

Planning to appoint a maid to carry my daily luggage to college. But who will pay for my maid?

This post was first published on Google buzz.

The BORING post!

This post was first published on Google buzz.

I am all bored. So I thought I would come up with something really boring so that you too would get bored and so we can celebrate boredom together :) I therefore wrote and tore (read backspaced) and rewrote an account on ME.

Netha Hussain -

* is immensely talented. (those who say otherwise will be beheaded)
* has a voice that can be heard clearly even during a missile launch.
* claims to be an excellent cook. Victims yet not out of hospital.(Yeah, they are all medicos) And dead people don't speak. :)
* has a phone which is always on 'silent' mode.
* has an uncanny knack to make friends even with the dumbest characters around.
* is addicted to medical books, novels and the internet.
* becomes happy for no particular reason.
* is always present at the class and clinics that if she absents herself, they would declare a holiday. That is why Sundays are holidays.

When people care for you

 This post was first published on Google buzz.

"I care about relationships and I constantly work on them. I cared for everything that concerned you, but you want me to care for certain selected issues only. You therefore shout at me if I care for something you don't want me to care for. You don't care what I am feeling right then. You don't care that I cared to care for you even when I was busy. You might think that somebody is actually caring for you and you will care for him/her the most, and you will later realize that you weren’t cared for at all. You will later realize that it is hard to find someone who will care for you. All I can tell you now is this - your best friend is the one who cares for you, not always the one you care for. And suppose if the caring is mutual, you have got the best-est of the friend in the world. Someday you will realize that I had cared for you, but it will be too late by then.

Now I have a simple solution which can make both of us happy :
I just don't care about you ”.

“Netha, is something wrong with you?” Varada asked me, after reading the above paragraph from the last page of my case record.
“Yes”, I answered.
“Do you mind sharing?”
And I shared.
She listened to me, without speaking a word. When I finished, she remained silent. I didn’t dare to break the silence.
Finally, she spoke.
“Do you care about me?”
“I do. Sincerely, I do.”
“ So, if I ask you to cancel the CME programme tomorrow and go with me to my house, will you do that?”
“I will.” I took my cellphone and dialed the number of the coordinator of the program.
She snatched the phone instantly and stopped the call.
"You don't have to do this to show that you are my friend", she said.
Love you, Varada

Label : Fiction.